Richard Jefferson in a simple man.

While Russell Westbrook rocks his “hipster-on-roids” look, Richie’s idea of crazy post-game attire is rocking a red tie, as opposed to his usual black. He likes to mix it up by going to his favorite diner, “Denny’s”, and ordering THREE pancakes, when he usually only gets two. He is an avid gambler on team flights, but instead of playing Bourré with his teammates he goes through hundreds of scratchers, and sometimes even wins. I mean, his name is Richard Jefferson in a league where the best player is named “LeBron”.

Richie crushes scratchers

In the swag-tastic NBA, he is a turkey amongst peacocks. He is an outcast, and we ain’t talking Daddy Fat Sax and Trey Stacks.

So Richie decided to do something to stand out. Something to make the NBA stop and listen. Something to mark the arrival of a new era; the RJ era.

Richie spent four years perfecting the design, incorporating influences from both Byzantine Iconoclasm and Neo-Impressionism. His intention for this masterpiece was for the design to center around his central theme of “I play professional basketball”, expertly personified by the basketball amidst the “R”.

The perimeter features lyrics from what Richie has called in interviews his “pump up song”, which is of course the Jock Jams classic “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion. He discovered the power ballad on the team plane his rookie year while listening to his treasured CD “Now That’s What I Call Music! Vol. 27”.

Richie’s tattoo may not be aesthetically pleasing, but it accomplished exactly what he set out to achieve. A simple man named Richard Jefferson is now world renowned, standing out in a way his personality never would.

Somewhere, Richie is sitting, reading his favorite I Spy book, and slyly smiling.